The Correct Ways to Listen to Billy Collins Read His Poetry
The correct way to listen to Billy Collins read his poetry
is to think of yourself as an opinionated Oklahoma teacher
of a High School American Literature class
asking the students how they experience Billy Collins reading his poetry
and hearing a cheerleader say that Billy Collins takes her off to unusual worlds
where she then remains while Billy Collins goes on somewhere else
and a basketball captain say that when he experiences Billy Collins reading his poetry
that he, the basketball captain, gets so lost in meaning-worlds
that he can't remember the title of the poem
and a senior class president saying she can always remember the title
because she's read his poetry so many times
a champion sheep-shearer say he feels listening to Billy Collins
is a much higher spiritual experience than reading his poetry
because you don't get the meaning of the line
until you hear Billy Collins say: "Remember the 1340s?"
and your stepping in to say that none of them has hit the mark;
the correct way, and this will be on the test, to listen to Billy Collins
is to memorize the correct meanings of his poetry
which you are now passing out on this sheet entitled
The Correct Way to Listen to Billy Collins Read His Poetry
and watching, aghast, as Billy Collins comes into the classroom
in just his skeleton, without a penis
and tear up all the copies of the sheet
and everyone hearing a commotion in the auditorium
and your all rushing to the auditorium