This is not a confirmation of your prejudices



      I'm in a devil of a fix!

     Satan makes me believe in almost all conspiracy theories that come along--as long as they come from reputable people.

      Now, the devil doesn't look like the bird-creature-consuming-humans that you see to the right. Satan looks like this.

      Well, what'd you think--that Satan's a male? Oh, no, she's every inch a female! Actually, she appears most often like this. Or frequently like this.

      Granted, when Satan tempted early Christian saints she took on the semblance of a male--because Bible pictures were still strictly PG13 at that time. So she kept it strictly porno-free for the first couple centuries.

     

      So what's wrong with believing in conspiracy theories, you ask, don't some of the best and brightest--like Bill O'Reilly, Karl Rove, Rush Limbaugh, Mike Huckabee, and Sean Hannity believe in conspiracy theories?

     

      Yes, Satan makes the conspiracy theories of guys like Sean Hannity and Dick Morris darn appealing, even overwhelmingly convincing.

      Rush Limbaugh also got ahead of the field with his own pre-election conspiracy theory.

      Mike Huckabee, a newbie on Fox News, offers his own newly minted conspiracy theory about economic terrorism!


This is not a picture of me or my brother.       Now, having seen some of the reputable, indisputable conspiracy theories of these distinguished thinkers, we can next take a look at what I like to call the "tin-foil hat" conspiracy swindles. It's these bleeding-heart liberal conspiracy nuts that give us respectable conspiracy theorists a bad name.


"Tin-Foil Hat" Conspiracy Swindles

      The most ridiculous conspiracy theory is the Goldman Sachs conspiracy fraud, perpetrated by such nuts as Congressperson Maxine Waters, Ben Stein, Congressman Dennis Kucinich, the New York Times, and a member of my non-immediate family who shall remain nameless. As an unusually intelligent reader, you no doubt immediately saw through that preposterous, absurd hodge-podge of lies and false accusations when you linked out to it (above).

      Now we'll examine some of the unimpeachable, incontrovertible evidence against it.

This is David Rockefeller shaking hands with JP Morgan       If there were a Goldman Sachs conspiracy, then there would be a Goldman Sachs SECRET HANDSHAKE. Some stupenagles call the handshake to the left the Goldman Sachs handshake (HaHaHa), when any fool knows that that's the JPMorganChase handshake! Which means there is no Goldman Sachs handshake and therefore no conspiracy.

      To be absolutely, positively sure there isn't any Goldman Sachs conspiracy, you merely have to ask an objective observer such as Bruce Watson, an investment analyst with wwwBloggingStocks:
"Of course, this scenario [Goldman Sachs conspiracy] is ridiculous and far-fetched. First off, the current evidence suggests that Wall Street is incapable of predicting that the sun will come up tomorrow, much less foreseeing a major meltdown two years in advance of its occurrence. Beyond that, I'm sure that there is no way that the Secretary of the Treasury could possibly be so utterly treacherous, so completely perfidious."

My Two Favorite Conspiracy Theories

Chicken Little just before an asteroid fell on top of her crushing her to death       I am particularly fond of the hallucination that there was a divine conspiracy to create a worldwide economic collapse to ensure that Barack Obama was elected president.

      A special favorite in the conspiracy theory category: It's The End of the World As We Know It. (and I feel fine)


This phrase must be spoken as one word

      This video reveals the close connection between Satan and conspiracies.






1 Note that Mr. Cohn denies that Goldman Sachs is involved in a conspiracy theory. Whether they are involved in a conspiracy, he leaves for us to conjecture.



Updates and Conspiracy Theory Watch: