"Kindly say clearly, please,whether the ball was in or out."
C. Joad
Daily the din of would-be gurus reaches my ear. They complain that disciples do not flock to their doors. Or having flocked, do not have the decency to remain for a leisurely year, or even a polite month, to learn of their Wisdom. No matter how much they chide, how petulantly they condemn faintheartedness, their disciples join the ranks of the recidivists. 2
These Uninitiated gurus have not fallen heir to the Hidden Secret of true guruship. A reading of any Pop Psychology Classic, Channeling Handbook, Spiritual Atlas or, alternately, a superficial study of human behavior would teach them this Esoteric Secret: People Buy Only What They Think Is Worth Buying.
But that is only half of the Hidden Secret, so don't snicker.
I hesitate to divulge the other half because, like many Metaphysical Secrets, knowledge of this Truth brings terrifying power which can be easily misused and lead to your own undoing. But with that brief warning of the possible prostitution of Truth, I absolve myself of all responsibility and press on to reveal the other half of the Secret: People Buy Only If You Give The Impression You're Not Selling.
Many supposed gurus have yet to discover this secret. They - or their disciples - still pound on doors, beat bushes, and preach bombastically in a vain effort to proselytize cold ex-Baptists or ex-Hasidists or ex-Parsees into Transcendentalism or Extra-Terrestrialism or the Stock Market. Not yet has it sunk into their consciousness that people flock to the most recent popular guru because she is the In Thing. As long as the fever and the fad last, plain preaching can turn the trick. But then the intelligent guru must turn to subtler - and more effective - means.
As a would-be guru you must be particularly attentive to styles and mood-shifts and market trends in your would-be disciples/customers. In the U.S. in particular, we have been inundated with shouting TV evangelists and all-knowing Academics. We have become salesman-shy and pulpit-weary. Our bone-marrow intuition tells us that someone who tries too hard to sell has very little worth buying.
You may feel this soft-sell approach is ineffective - because you keep your eyes turned only to the latest religious-psychological fad-monger. He, you say, is preaching to vast crowds of seekers/customers in the Houston Astrodome - why shouldn't you? But just watch how quickly the style changes. From 1960s style flower children to 1990s fashion two-Beamer yuppies to 2009-style bailout looting experts. From Right Brain/Left Brain Guru to Star Trek Higher World Wizard to "Invisible Hand of the Free Market" Economist. If you want to have a long-term practice, with a small but steady clientele, follow the sure-fire plan outlined in this book.
The first lesson, then, is: Make People Think You Have Something Worth Buying, But Give The Impression You're Not Selling.
Today's customer of financial-religious-pop-psychology Wisdom has a different mind-set than her counterpart even ten years ago. The popular appeal, with TV crusades and best-seller book signings was then the way to Operate. But fads have changed. Your modern would-be disciple is wary and chary, you must work around his suspicions and snare the wily customer through your intelligently-planned Indirect Approach.
To make this first lesson work, follow these simple steps. First, attract a few ordinary would-be students/disciples/customers through whatever ways are available to you. Look around to see how the successful gurus are announcing their brand of spirit-cure. New Wave newspapers, Internet Web sites, TV talk shows. Hit as many of these as possible with a carefully-worded Come-on with a carefully-phrased sales pitch. This must be very subtle, and yet direct. By all means, Don't Sell in your public relations schemes. The Hidden Secret, let us remind ourselves, is to let the customer come to you.
However, in your pitch you must give the customer the clear impression that you have something very much worth her money and time. The more mysterious and metaphysical-sounding the better. Use phrases like: Market Share Trickle Down Secrets, Empowered Unemployed Mass-movement, Down-sized Voodoo Profit-taking, Bioengineering Cloning Oddities, or Higher World Beam-up Mysteries.
Study your market. Find out what's selling and then use that in your pitch. Don't worry about knowing anything concerning the particular concept or technique. There are plenty of cheap paperbacks that can give you sufficient know-how in one evening. That plus the general techniques outlined in this book are all you need.
In your public relations pitches, thirdly, always use Magic Formula Number One 3 Make Demands on People.
The underlying power of this formula is that people like to have demands made on them, and they can only respect something if it is a challenge. The guru who makes things too easy for his disciples/customers/marks is the guru who fails. In your pitch require that the would-be student/disciple/customer read several different books or send in a detailed history of his life. It doesn't matter what you require - as long as you require something.
The would-be disciple/student won't read the required books anyway, or she will turn in a slovenly biography. But at least they'll get the impression - and this is the point - that as a guru you make demands on your disciples. That's the lesson you want indelibly etched in their minds.
You are not some easy, all-accepting, hard-up teacher trying desperately to get some cash-paying customers; you are a Modern guru of Principle who knows that Knowledge and Truth cannot be bought for nothing. That Wisdom requires the expenditure of energy, sweat - and money. Money, particularly.
Once you have captured the imagination of your would-be student/disciple, then prepare for the First Encounter.
1 "Hidden" is a good word in almost anything you write. Eschew "occult" - that's too weird.2 Technical terms such as "recidivist" (meaning one who relapses) give your writing an air of erudition.
3 These Magic Formulae are found throughout the book - a Special Bonus for the reader.
